Things I am going to tell my son

I love writing love-letters. It started in high school. I actually had a bit of a reputation for it :-)

It's probably a major reason I became a journalist. In some very shallow way seeing your by-line in print creates a similar feeling of acknowledgement as getting a smile from a girl you wrote a letter to.

There are all sorts of reasons for love-letters and in turn all sorts of people who you can write love letters to.

The  last month has been characterised by a lot of introspection. In all of that I thought of what it would be like if someone had written a guide to life and given it to me when I was younger.

Not rules, but rather suggestions on how to be a better man and live a better life. That in turn got me thinking about having kids one day and what it would take as a father to make sure that they lived a good life.

It's impossible to protect your kids from the realities that will present themselves one day but perhaps if I write a letter to him - my son - it will help him navigate the perils of life better. So here it is ....

Things I am going to tell my son.

DISCLAIMER: This is going to be extremely soppy.

Hey...
It's me, Dad. 

You're starting to grow up now and life is going to start throwing you some curveballs. It's always good to be prepared. It will help you deal with the unexpected and give you a cushion to fall back on when things get really difficult.

I can't tell you all the things that will happen in your life which will derail you on your way to happiness but I thought I could at least give you some tips on life that will turn you into the kind of person who deals with adversity with strength and courage.

Lord knows I didn't a lot of the time and to be honest I would love to spare you as much pain as I can.

So here's a list of things you can do to make things easier. They might not all be true or even wise but they come from experience so bear that in mind...

1. Learn how to fight and then spend the rest of your life making sure you never lift your hands in anger, only to protect your family.

2. Pick flowers for a girl you like - even if you think she might not like you back. The best love stories start with a guy who is not supposed to get the girl.

3. Learn to walk away. Letting go is the hardest thing you will ever do but if you don't get rid of the old you will never have room for the new.

4. Save. Trust me. Save.

5. Believe in God if that is what you want. People will tease you about this one and you will learn a myriad of sensible, intelligent reasons why "there is no God", but the only thing that matters when it comes to God is what you feel when you are alone.

6. Hold your sister's hand. When your mother and I are gone you will be only one around to protect her. You might as well start practicising now.

7. Choose your words carefully. Talking too much can hurt others and if you are anything like your pops it can get you into a ton of uneccessary shit.

8. Read poetry and Shakespeare and Mills and Boons novels and newspapers (or news websites probably) and TS Elliot and EE Cummings and Keats and Du Bois and Coetzee and Brink and Achebe. If it has words on it, read it. I didn't read enough. I regret it every day.

9. Travel and while you're at it learn. Learn about music and food and women (or men - if that's who you like) and culture. Find out why the Spanish lisp and the Japanese bow. Find out why some people can learn to speak Afrikaans in Instanbul and why the women in Hungary are so beautiful.

10. Get a dog. Not a cat, a dog. A dog will be your best friend and will get you through the lonely times.

11. Never, ever settle. Not for a wife, or a job or in an argument. Settling is average - don't be average.

12. This one is hard. People you love are going to hurt you. Forgive them, they are only human and you too will hurt people in the same way.

13. Don't drink too much. There will always be another cold beer or spectacular glass of wine. Savour the one you are having now and then step away so that you have the choice of when you want to savour another one again in the future.

14. Don't talk about your personal life with the people you work with. Some of them are your friends but others are simply looking for the next piece of juicy gossip.

15. Manchester United, then the Springboks, then the Proteas. This one is non-negotiable. I do not want to talk about it. I said, Manchester United.

16. Hold the door open for a woman. Stand up for her when she walks into a room and always open the car door for her. Chivalry is not dead - it's just underrated.

17. Take pride in your apprearance but don't let that define you. Live and eat healthily and exercise. It's good for the body but it's better for the mind and soul.

18. Be grateful. Today find your most prized possession, whether it's the pair of shoes your mum and I bought you or your first CD or your car and look at it. Now say this. "It could be worse."

19. Whatever you choose to do in life be good at it. It doesn't matter if you cut grass or fix heart valves. Be the best grass cutter or heart valve specialist you can. If you are the best at what you do it will lead you to what you want, whether that is money or peace of mind.

20. This is the most important thing you will ever learn. Love yourself first. Then and only then will you be able to accept the love of others.

So that's it. Just a few tips for life. You don't have to stick to all of them and of course there are exceptions to every rule but there is one more thing I want to leave you with...

21. Be a man of substance. Do this every day and you will be fine.

I hope this helps

Love

Dad.