There are some things which are so important they merit deeper inspection.
So monumentally important that we can not, nay we dare not simply sweep over them in jest.
We need to examine them to their core. We need to unpack them and we need to highlight the dangers which accompany them.
In this post we will look one such phenomenon.
It is a side effect of a breakup so immense, so devastating, so crippling, and so anti-social that when it happens to you lepers won't even hold your hand. Homeless people will cross the street to get away from you and society as a whole will shun you.
The thing of which we speak is made up of three simple words but they are three of the scariest in the history of mankind...
STEP 14: DRAMA, DRAMA, DRAMA...
Colbert ... hates the drama
Here is my number one tip for dealing with the drama:
No seriously... dry your eyes.
The urban dictionary defines drama as "making a big deal over something unneccessarily".
There is a certain amount time you are allowed to cry after your breakup. Two weeks (This was covered in the first post). Then man up. The same applies to drama. Yes, the lead time for giving up the drama is longer - between a month and 9 weeks - but eventually you will have to stop.
Think of it as an equation - the length of time since your breakup is inversely proportional to the amount of drama people will put up with.
Where A is drama and B is time since breakup
Here are some examples of the worst kind of drama.
1. Sending your ex flowers because you still miss him or her. Don't be a prat. First; flowers cost money. Second; they will die. Third; your ex and the person he or she is boning are going to laugh at your flowers.
2. Stand outside his or her house in the rain with a boombox playing a song to show them how much you love them. I love John Cusack but sometimes I feel like I can never forgive him for giving people this lame ass idea. (Playing a guitar - ala Ashton Kutcher in that shit movie where he makes nappies - falls squarely into this category.)
3. Drunk dialling. No... just no.
4. The all revealing 12-page love letter - typed, single-spacing, double-sided. Loser!
5. Writing a breakup blog. Come on if you can't laugh at yourself who can you laugh at?
6. Calling his or her friends or family to ask them for your help in winning your ex back. If there was a scale for stalker behaviour this would be on it. In fact if you do this people will start investigating the best route to getting a restraining order against you.
7. Crying - stop it.
You know what will happen if you don't stop the drama? Your friends will stop hanging out with you. They will adopt an attitude best captured by this...
Exactly Arnold
No-one likes a drama queen. I know it's been tough and I know you initially felt like the whole world was going to come to an end but guess what? It didn't. In fact the sun has risen every morning since your shit happened because, like everyone else, it could care less. It's time you started doing the same.
You... yes you.
DISCLAIMER: I wrote this after a conversation with a friend about drama. We were talking about drama of a different kind but the conversation got me thinking and that train of thought led to this. It also reminded me why I started writing this. Halfway through writing this post I had a conversation with another friend who has just gone through a breakup (seems it's contagious) and I realised that, in all honesty, if you want to survive and keep your dignity you need to kill the drama. I didn't, but really... you need to. And if you are dealing with a breakup or losing someone you love, I hope that I made you laugh and for a few minutes I helped you forget about the drama.
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